People drowning in the throes
of cartoonish infatuation lie -- a lot.
Had you noticed?
For instance, one intrepid journalist
(awaiting her masthead) said months ago she'd be
posting a photograph of Hugh Grant in handcuffs.
Okay, you'd all seen The Photo.
The one featuring our hero in a rumpled,
protein and saline-stained polo shirt,
his features -- normally resembling a bonny jag
of the Scottish coastline -- collapsed like a balloon
from yesterday's party. His eyes were puffy.
Worse, his expression was chastened.
And had had Hugh a tad less respect for the line
that divides high comedy and the Rabelaisian absurd,
he'd have swivelled his hips, winked one set of floor-sweeping
lashes at the camera and shrugged. We'd have forgiven him.
We'd forgive anything save his orbit around a flawless
brunette who loses weight in times of stress
and looks better in a tank top with a chimp on her back
than she does swathed in gauze and a Gaussian blur.
Anyway, I started to feel terribly guilty, making
promises I had no intention of keeping. After all,
I'd inadvertently linked uberfrauleins on this page
to my blithe assurances. At last my sense of
Family Values took hold, and I did the only thing I could --
shadow Hugh to his favorite seedy nightclubs
and snap a few juicy ones.
The results were intriguing. As shown
at left, Hugh posed for the masses
in a leather ensemble that could outfit
six hundred Stetsons with those little bands
for the feathers. His preparations for an
upcoming lead opposite Wesley Snipes had
clearly paid off, and he was eager to preen.
But no less breathtaking was his subsequent
jaunt down the street to Di's health club,
where he proceeded to hitch down his Ralph
Lauren sweats and flex one powerful tricep,
all the while reciting from Tennyson's
Idylls of the King for the
benefit of yours truly.
[ tbc ]
... but wait: there's more! More! Unless you've been to the home page, that is. >>
Are you true to Hugh? Kneel at the
Hugh Grant Shrine.
And ...
Some Very Special Hugh Resources,
Like, His Movies and Stuff
and Even More Insipid, Unsolicited Commentary!
